31 Things | Day 4 | Spirit

Finally feeling the stress from this class.  I am trying really hard to keep up but miss one day and it all starts to feel overwhelming.  But looking at the galleries and forums, lots of people are just posting when they get to it.


It changed me.


The moment I laid eyes on our first child it all made sense.
Some people seek comfort in prayer, some choose meditation. Before my children were born I would choose music. Once I became a mother I found comfort in my children.
Until that time in my life I knew what love felt like but I had never experienced this kind of love. The kind that transforms you from who you are to the person that was waiting to get out.
When I was younger I wasn’t really sure that I wanted kids. I really enjoyed kids and loved other people’s kids but never really thought that it was something that I knew for sure that I wanted to do. There came a time in my relationship with Brian when I could start to see what the future would look like and kids had to be a part of it. I knew that I wanted to start a family but still at that time had no idea what this would do to me.
It wasn’t easy getting pregnant. In fact the task seemed next to impossible. After three long years of doctor appointments, tests, medications we finally were ready to meet our little miracle.
A few years later we were pregnant again. A few weeks into my pregnancy we were alerted by the OB/GYN that they saw something on the ultrasound that they were concerned about. They thought our child would be born with a deformity. There was a good chance that this baby wouldn’t even make it.
Silly for us to think that since our pregnancy happened naturally that it would be normal. Once again we spent the next nine months going to appts and having ultrasounds as we watched this little human inside of me develop.
Around 22 weeks we were finally informed that we were in the clear.

I like to think that I would have appreciated my children as much as I do even if we would have started our family three years earlier, even if we would have never had a scare of having a child born with special needs. However I guess I will never know for sure.
During those times I would listen to ‘You Make it Real’ by James Morrison. Something about that particular statement in the song- it made me feel better.

There’s so much craziness surrounding me,

There’s so much going on it gets hard to breathe

When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me,

You make it real for me

When I’m not sure of my priorities,

When I’ve lost sight of where I’m meant to be

And like holy water washing over me,

You make it real for me