Lula the baby

Lula sure knows these girls.  Nothing they would have rather seen this morning than Lula the baby.  They pushed her around for a little while but knowing that they can't touch her (or she will lose her magic)- they refrained from playing with her too much.

We woke up to a state filled with snow!

It was actually nice to see everything covered and knowing that we didn't have anywhere to be today it was even better!  The girls loved watching the snow fall and were excited to snowsuit up after nap to help daddy shovel.

I spent the day baking.

I made homemade caramels, peanut butter blossoms and cream wafers.

I have a few cookies left to make for the season but I was happy with what I had gotten done this weekend.

Things were a little different this year.

For starters, I usually do my Christmas baking with friends.  It's something we have done for the past few years but this year we started into December without even talking about it yet so it feels like this may too be another 'tradition' that gets lost.  People get busy and as the kids get older it gets harder and harder to get together.   So, I was alone most of the day- which was fine- you can get more done that way however it wasn't the same without having friends to giggle with.

Once the first batch of cookies came out of the oven and I started to lay them out on the counter to cool, it hit me that there was something else missing this year.  Nash.

It has been 12 years since I have been able to bake multiple batches of cookies and actually leave them out on the counter to cool without setting up traps and guarding them with my life.

It was a weird feeling- kinda nice to not have that stress but at the same time lonely.

Reminds me of a story and a song.

There is a song by the Foo Fighters called These Days.

The girls love this song and often request it.  I knew that they had heard it in daddy's truck.

The song starts out a little slow and then as the chorus comes the singer starts to yell out the words.

The girls start giggling as the song is about to hit it's climax and as they yell along with Dave they are grinning from ear to ear as if they are doing something wrong.  It's pretty adorable.

A few months back Brian told me how this song was playing in the truck on his way home from the vet after having to put Nash down.  I remember him saying that but I had never really listened to the words.  Now that the girls are 'in to' this song I am paying much closer attention and it is starting to sink in just how sad this song can make a person if your memory is of a lost friend.

One of these days the ground will drop out from beneath your feet
One of these days your heart will stop and play its final beat
One of these days the clocks will stop and time won't mean a thing
One of these days their bombs will drop and silence everything

But it's alright
Yeah it's alright
I said it's alright

Easy for you to say
Your heart has never been broken
Your pride has never been stolen
Not yet not yet

One of these days your eyes will close and pain will disappear
One of these days you will forget to hope and learn to fear

One of these days your heart will stop and play its final beat
But it's alright

One song with two (such) different meanings.

I have gotten to the point that I can't actually listen to this song unless the girls are with me and they are singing along.  If I am alone and hear this song I think of Brian and Nash on that day in June and it makes me  remember just how much we liked having him around.  Once life got busy and filled with other priorities Nash seemed to 'get in the way' and I feel horrible that I ever had those feelings about him. 

The girls still talk about him and often say that they miss him.

Typically when they are already crying about something else -or they have gotten into trouble- we will ask what is wrong and most of the time we get this answer "I miss Nashie".

Sometimes it really seems sincere but at other times it sure feels like we are getting played and they know that there is a chance that we might cave (ok, well MOM might cave) due to the pity card they are playing.

It would be nice to get another dog someday but I have to admit for now, it's nice to have the freedom of not worrying about letting a dog out or how long the poor thing has been home alone, etc.

And then not to mention the thought of having to miss another pet someday.....ugh- not fun.