31 Things | Day 22, 23, 24

SPOT

This is the half way spot.

When I can first start to see this spot it seems like it is light years away.

When I finally reach this spot I get my second wind and start to feel a sense of accomplishment. There is a bounce in my step and my feet feel lighter.

Its only 1.5 miles away from my house. I realize that is not far but when your goal is to be able to go 3 mileswithout feeling like you are going to die, this spot means I am halfway to feeling really good.

Last year I ran my first 5K. Its also been my one and only 5K but if I say first that means I committing to do more.  The 5K was in August, my sisters and I all ran it together- it was awesome to do something like that with them. It was the first for all 5 of us except for Jennie- she is more seasoned in the running department than the rest of us- but we hung with her pretty good.

 After that life got busy. Since there wasnt a committed-signed-up-for-told-you-I-would-be-there type of event I wasnt putting this as a priority. Weeks would go by and when I would finally get out it wasnt as easy as it had been. A few people would remind me that It only takes a few days before your body gets out of shape again - You shouldnt have stopped running because now it will be hard to get back into it - Now that you did your 5K you dont have to run anymore. I let these comments get to me and started to give into the defeated attitude.

 Weeks turned into months and I could no longer call myself a runner. (not that I was any type of runner but I was running 8-9 miles per week)

 This winter I gained 10 pounds of the 31 one that I had lost last year. I have started the self hate conversations in my mind and I can feel my behavior towards myself and others changing. I am frustrated and disappointed.

 I started running again. Its only been four times this season but I have started again.

I looked back at my blog from last year and wanted to see when it was that I started running. It was June 8^th last year when I started the Couch to 5K program. I immediately felt better. It is now June 7^th.

 Why was I getting so down on myself? Its not too late. I can do this! I already have.

Here are a few of the quotes that I like to keep around to inspire and motivate me:

• No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch
• One of the greatest moments in life is realizing that two weeks ago, your body couldnt do what it just did.
• If you went running when you first thought about it, youd be back by now

WRITE

Anyone that knows me knows these three things

1. I am proud of my blog
2. I love to make lists
3. I love to write on napkins

MY BLOG  |  December 2009.  It started with a challenge from my sister Kari.  “We should do a POD (picture of the day) blog for 2010.”  It has now turned into a way to log my family’s memories.  It has given me a place to document and record the special times, the ordinary times, the conversations we’ve had, the moments we would never remember but still have a responsibility for shaping a piece of who we are.  It keeps our friends and family informed about our lives and it gives me a place to leave something behind for my children and their children.  This is their world through my eyes.

LISTS  |  I love to make lists.  Everyone needs a good brain dump every so often and no better way to take that #2 of the mind than making lists and organizing those lists by category.  I don’t get as much satisfaction crossing things off the list- when the time comes those lists with completed items typically become shorter lists with less to do.  I don’t always make good use of the lists and I want to get better about that.  I used to be able to make a list and just the act of making that list somehow etched the information in my mind so when I went to the store I didn’t need to look at the list I made, I had it memorized.  As I get older that is not the case anymore.  Many times I get home from the store, pull the list from my purse and see that I forgot one or two important items.

NAPKINS  |  I have a habit of writing on napkins.  The girls at work laugh at me daily because of this habit.  We all have ‘our thing’ and this is one of mine.  I love the temporariness of it.  I love the fact that I can write something down on a list and then look at that napkin as I am packing up my things to take home and say to myself “Are you seriously going to put that napkin in your bag?”  Most of the time that is enough motivation for me to quickly complete that item so that napkin can make it’s way to the garbage.  Most of the time.  Don’t judge me.  I love the way the pen glides across the napkin- it’s a different feel than paper- try it.  I dare you.

I have never been a fan of my hand writing and I envy people who can journal directly in their scrapbook albums because they have nice writing.  I need to get better at not typing all of my journaling- I know my children would appreciate seeing my writing and I do think it adds a level of intimacy when the handwriting isn’t perfectly straight and all of the letters aren’t perfectly matched.

Like some people speak Spanglish (mixture of English and Spanish) I write Cursprint (maybe that’s a new word I just made up- mixture of cursive and printing).

I wish I wrote better.  The words always come together better in my head and then when I try to write them down I think they sound silly and unorganized.

I never use spellcheck and hardly re-read what I have written. 



RELATIONSHIP

MY RELATIONSHIPS ARE  |  inspiring, strong, respectful, loving, grateful, changing, cherished, taken for granted, disappointing, fill me with joy, amazing, beginning, upsetting, full of worry, affectionate, sometimes never thought about, thought about too much, avoided, take work, easy, tiring, full of resentment, full of happiness and fond memories, old, happened too fast, took too long to develop, stale and stuck, constantly changing and growing, missed,  full of commitment, needed, IMPORTANT.

I AM  |  a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a granddaughter, an aunt, a coworker, a manager, a colleague, s daughter-in-law, a cousin, a godmother, a sister-in-law, a stranger, me.

WIFE  |  Brian and I have been married for 9 years.  We have lived together for over 12.  We have known each other for 16.  It’s amazing to me that we have had this much time together and I still crave more. 

 MOTHER  |  I love being a mommy.  I am obsessed with my kids.  I want to be with them and talk about them constantly.  I. Can’t. Get. Enough.  I also love having a father around in my children’s lives.  Nothing better than hearing a daddy and his girls play together.

 DAUGHTER  |  I have always gotten along with my parents.  We’ve had our moments but have never been estranged.  I don’t feel like I put enough work into my relationship with my parents.   We have good relationships but I don’t always feel like a daughter.  Then again, what does a grown up daughter feel like?

 SISTER  |  Greatest gift my parents ever gave me was my four sisters.  Kari is three years older,  Jennie is seven years younger, Kim and Kristin (twins) are nine years younger.  I have wonderful relationships with my sisters and I couldn’t imagine life without them.

 FRIEND  |  I think about my friends a lot.  I think about the friends I no longer talk to, I think about the friends that I haven’t seen in months.  It’s hard to grow older and see how your relationships with your friends change.  The term ‘best friend’ changes when you get older.  I have many best friends.  I don’t see any of them enough.  I miss hanging out with my friends like we used to do. 

GRANDDAUGHTER  |  My grandma Bauer is the only living grandparent that I currently have.  She is a very special woman.  She has always been there for us.  I pay extra special attention to this relationship- making sure I call often.  I don’t see her as much as I should or as much as she would like. 

 AUNT  |  I am currently blessed with 4 nephew and one niece.  Agustin (8), Courtney (8), Justin (7), Nicolas (6), Adam (4).  I don’t see any of them enough.

COWORKER  |  I have worked for HealthEast for 15 years and during those years I have worked with people that I have enjoyed working with.  I hope I have left a good impression with many of them as well as a good coworker and someone they were happy to have worked with.

MANAGER  |   I currently manage a team of 5 people.  I have managed before but this time is different.  My employees are salaried and are very project/task driven and responsible.  They don’t need much day to day management but I think that hurts our relationship sometimes because I don’t put much energy into managing them. 

 

COLLEAGUE  |  I sometimes feel alone at work.  I have people that I work with, I have people to talk to but I don’t have many people that do the same work that I do that can act as my colleague.  I miss that feeling of ‘team’.

 

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW  |  I love my in laws.  They have always accepted me and treated me like family.  They are fun to hang out with and I love spending time with them.

 

COUSIN  |  I have a lot of cousins on my dad’s side of the family and although we have never really been too close we have always been family.  I wish we were closer and I wish we had better relationships.

 

GODMOTHER  |  I have two godchildren.  Greta and Agustin.  I am a horrible godmother.  I haven’t done much in their lives to call attention to this special relationship.  That makes me feel bad.

 

SISTER-IN-LAW  |  I have two brother-in-laws and one sister-in-law.  I also have three unmarried sisters so hopefully this number will grow in time.  It warms my heart that I like my in laws.  There are others that aren’t so lucky.  I am pretty lucky.  I am happy that my daughters have uncles.  There is a sense of comfort knowing that my sister is 1000’s of miles away (in Ecuador) and has Andres and his family to take care of her.

 

STRANGER  |  Even though I am a stranger to many I try not to act like a stranger.  I smile at people I pass by.  I hold doors open for others to walk through.  I will fill awkward silences while in elevators, waiting in lines, etc by striking up conversations with anyone that is nearby.

 

ME  |  I wish I had a better relationship with myself.  I talk down to myself and often have internal dialogue with myself that does nothing but harm my soul.  I am way to hard on myself and because of that assume that everyone else feels that way about me too.  It’s unhealthy and is something I wish I could change.  No.  Something I need to change.