Today when I picked the girls up at daycare, Jackie asked Hannah to tell me what happened today.
Hannah immediately clamed up so I knew that I wasn't going to hear something I was going to be proud of.
Apparently when one of the little boys got to daycare today Hannah stood at the top of the stairs, pointed at him and said "Go away! We don't like you and we don't want you hear! (then started giggling and got the other kids to join in)"
This little guy started to cry and his mom was not happy either. Then his mom starting telling Jackie about how he talks at home about how mean Hannah is to him and how she is always leaving him out.
Jackie was disappointed which didn't help things since I was disappointed too.
Hannah and I have talked a lot about how we should treat people and how this behavior is unacceptable.
She didn't get a treat when we got home and we cancelled movie night tonight.
We also talked about how we are going to make this right.
She will be making him a card this weekend and including stickers in the card because 'he likes stickers'. Each day until Tuesday (the next day he comes to Jackie's) we are going to think of 2 things that we can do with him next week to be extra specially nice and go out of our way to make him feel special and be his friend. Today's ideas were play Legos with him. 'He likes legos'
"I know what else, mom, I can read him a story- he would like that."
So, I guess this is a test of my parenting skills. I feel sick.
On one hand, they are kids. This isn't the first time she will say hurtful things to someone and she will get her fair share of kids saying hurtful things to her too. Doesn't make me feel better- where is that baby that everyone just smiles at and pats on the head? The one that doesn't hurt peoples feelings...
On the other hand it sort of bothers me.
When this boy started at daycare, Hannah would come home and tell stories about how he was mean to her, he would push her, or call her names. For a few months, off and on, she would talk about how she didn't want to go to Jackie's because he would be there. I chalked these times up to kids being kids and figured it would work itself out.
The feelings that I have today are
a) I should have done something a year ago when she was upset about him and the way he was treating her. Maybe then Jackie could have dealt with them and worked it out before this much resentment built up.
-According to Jackie he was a little mean and misbehaved when he first started there at Jackie's but he is not that way anymore.
b) I feel like because I didn't pay too much attention to it, I wasn't protecting my daughter like I should be. I am haivng those 'what an awful mom' thoughts of she was trying to tell me something and I didn't help her get through it.
I am probably thinking too much about this. I consulted with my mom's group (a.k.a. Stacey) and she made me feel better but I still haven't been able to stop thinking about it all night.
My kid was a bully today and that does not sit well with me.
This is not who she is. It is not who she has EVER been (except for one day when she was calling the kids meanies and poopy heads). She plays with others well and usually is making sure everyone is included.
This was not my child today.
She hung her head most of the evening and then I caught her 'texting'.
Me: "Who ya writing to?"
Hannah: "Jackson, to tell him I am sorry and I won't do that again."
I guess it's another sign of the times.
4 comments:
Good for you for dealing with the situation and trying to correct it now and not later. So many parents would have let it go as soon as they left Jackie's house and not given it another thought. She had a consequence and she'll remember that and kids like to please us and she knows now that mom and jackie were disappointed so that will stick with her. She's only 3, so even though she hurt that little guys feelings, she probably didn't realize what she was saying was that big of a deal--and she feels bad about it..that right tells you that you are right and that is not who she is! And his mom will see the steps you are taking to make it right, so that will mean a lot to her. Maybe they'll end up being buds from all of this :) So as Noah would say "yay you!" :)
:-(
I hate her sad face. I couldn't help but get a little emotional while reading this...I agree, that was NOT Hannah. She is genuinely nothing but sweet and I also agree with Tammy--she's so young she probably isn't even aware of the things she is saying (clearly, i.e. a Blues Clues post back ;-) and how they affect others. She will remember this and think twice next time. I think you handled it beautifully.
I think you had an awesome reaction! And don't worry too much about it, either. Jackson's mother could have also chalked it up, but didn't, but seriously - these are 3-yr-olds. She will always remember her lesson and I am sure will learn a lot from it, and Jackson's mom may have also blown it out of proportion, so just know you took care of it in a responsible and timely manner and Hannah will be the one who gets the most from it, because she will see that her mommy cares about other people's feelings, and that will, in the end, make her care, too. She will not be a bully, so don't worry! :)
And I love the "sign of the times"! Really!
Well I have to mirror the other comments here; I also have to give you kudos for not being more irritated at how "Jackson was mean first" and leave things unaddressed because it would have been "fair payback." (A sentiment I think many "parents" would give in to.) I also have to say that I am so happy that you blog and write about these things. I am sure I will face this situation with Violet at some point and it's good to have a solid model of parenting to refer back to.
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