#future

Sometime this past March, right around my 40th birthday, I saw this man crossing the street off Summit near Macalester College.  That day it made my eyes fill with tears.  I was already having a hard time entering the 40's and then to see him, it was like a huge mirror being held up reminding me the direction that my life was heading.  Soon this will be us. 

I haven't done everything I want to do.  I haven't become who I was meant to be.  The whole rest of that day I felt down and depressed.  Even scared.  I am not ready to be old.  I am not ready for my hair to be completely gray.  I am not ready to be feeble and weak.  I don't want to lose my mind or my hearing.  I'm not ready.

I know it sounds ridiculous.  I have a long way to go before becoming geriatric.

But it's a reminder of just how fast time flies.

I have a meeting off Grand Ave every week and at least once per month I see this man cross the street in front of me.  Each time my eyes fill with tears and each time I spend the next day telling myself how much I need to do and what I need to change to slow things down.