Highs and Lows

Highs

• Hannah is successfully potty trained.  She decided that she was ready and pretty much did it all by herself.  She is wearing underwear everyday and has mastered #2 on the toilet. I am so proud of her and her little underwear butt looks SO cute in her pants :-)
• Brian received a promotion and is being recognized for a job well done.  I love that he seems to be excited about going to work again and even though he is working harder, I think he enjoys the challenge. 
• Granddaughter of the Month club had it's first event and it was a success!  It was pretty low-key, we just went to Granny's and hung out there and visited.
• The holidays are over!  I love the holiday season but I felt very overwhelmed this year.  I am pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that I have two little ones at home now.  I hate being away from them in the evening and there is only so much I can get done when I bring them with me shopping, etc.  It is nice to get some 'family time' back and get back to normal...sort of :-)
• Rang in the New Year with great friends!  We spent New Year's Eve at Tammy and Josh's house.  The Busta's came with us.  It was so much fun to hang out as families :-)
• Started Hailey on rice cereal.  I love feeding babies :-)  It is so fun to watch them learn to eat and how they handle the new texture.
• Big Love is back on HBO!  I love that show.

Lows

• I am still not ready to talk about that Vikings game....it's too soon.  I don't feel that Brett Favre let me down, without him we wouldn't even have been playing that game but....he was suppose to get me to Miami :-(     Yep....too soon
• Snow, salt, dirt, boots, winter coats, diaper bags, purse....I can not wait for the weather to change again.  It's not so much the temperature that is bothering me this year but the fact that everything is so dirty.  Carrying two kids to the car, getting them all buckled in, waiting for the car to warm up, etc.  It is exhausting.  I have seen some pictures of my sister in Ecuador recently and it makes me SO jealous that she is not dealing with this right now.
• 2 friends from my past have been in the hospital.  Mary Ann, a friend of mine from the Maplewood Clinic, the smiley receptionist, had some complications with an elective surgery she chose to have.  She had the surgery before Christmas and has been in the hospital ever since.  It makes me so sad that her life has been touch and go for something that wasn't required for her to do.  I think of her everyday and my heart goes out to her and her family.  Another friend, Brian, from high school was in a horrible snowmobiling accident this past weekend.  He is in the hospital recovering and from the sound of it things are not looking good.  Sounds like some ribs, his sternum, and has fluid and bleeding in his deflated lung.  Take that back....he is alive...how much better could it get if you really think about it.  It just sort of hit me tonight life is short and at any moment someone you care about could be taken from you in an instant.  In this case, both of my friends are alive and they WILL make it through.

Have I mentioned how much I love my camera....?

Three of my favorite pictures I took at the Como Zoo last summer.     

  

I just love how the colors showed up in this picture.  There is nothing like natural light and bright colors to make a perfect photo.

                          

I took lots of pictures of this guy.  He was just sitting there posing for me.  I love the way he is just hanging out.  He looks so at peace with the world.

These flowers were outside of the main entrance.  They are lotus flowers that were floating in the water.  I love this picture.  I think some day this month I will bring my camera to work with me and spend my lunch break at the Conversatory taking pictures of the flowers.

How did I get so lucky?

I often sit and think about how different my life would be if I hadn't been in the right place at the right time 13 years ago.  That is when I met Brian and even though we haven't spent all of those 13 years together, we have known each other and in one way or another been a part of each other's lives for all of those years.

We were both at a party at my sorority house, in college (obviously).  Vicki and I went downstairs to get a drink and in the laundry room there were two guys hanging out.  We started talking to them and what started as an innocent conversation turned into an invite to a Halloween party and a cell phone number.  I think if I looked really hard I would be able to find that orange piece of paper that Brian gave me with his cell phone number written on it.  Yeah, you heard it right, a CELL PHONE...13 years ago...before every 6 year old had a cell phone, Brian was pretty cool :-)

Someday I can tell the whole story of how Brian and I stayed connected and eventually ended up together but today I just want to reflect on how lucky I am to have him in my life.

Tammy posted once about how she is right where she is suppose to be...she would have never thought that she would be where she is, etc but when she looks back at her life she realizes she is right where she is suppose to be.  I feel that way too. 

I am so lucky to have met him and I am so lucky that throughout the years, throughout other relationships we both had had, etc, our paths stayed connected and in the end, we are together.

I have never felt so safe and secure.  I have never felt so respected and cared for. 

I am so lucky (and grateful) that when Brian and I decided to start a family we were both in 100%, whatever it took we were going to have a family together.  It wasn't so easy getting pregnant and after a 3 year struggle we finally did it!  We were pregnant and this time we were staying pregnant!  I am so lucky that I had a husband who was willing to do whatever it took to create a family with me. 

Shortly after I moved in with Brian I learned how lucky I was to have myself such a handy-man.  All of a sudden the house around me started looking very different...new floors, new cabinets, new furniture...I thought about it and BOOM!  it was built.  Not just built but beautiful work as well.

I am lucky that I have a partner in life who allows me to get away.  Even though many times I don't feel like I want to or need to get away (I always have a good time when I do), I have a partner who lets me do that GUILT free. 

I can't help but think to myself, if I wouldn't have been in that right place and that right time, I wouldn't be in the right life now.  I wouldn't have Hannah or Hailey.  Sure, any child I would have had at any other time would be just a special to me but seriously....what would I do if I would have never met these girls!

They are amazing and I can't help but think that if every step of every day for my whole life wouldn't have happened EXACTLY as it did, I may not know them.  I would have never met the greatest accomplishments of my life!

Old friends

It is sort of ridiculous to be called 'old friends' when we aren't even old yet but it seems an appropriate title.

Jodi, Bett, Tammy, and I spent a lot of time together in high school  We were able to reconnect last year and attended our 15 year high school reunion!  We are getting together again this week for dinner and I am looking forward to it.  Good thing Tammy does such a good job of actually scheduling those 'we should get together events'! 

What Insights didn't tell you

For the past few days I had just taken word for word from the Discovery Insights profile that was given to me about myself.  For the most part I agree with what was listed on those pages.  However, Discovery Insights couldn't possibly tell you everything about me.  Here are some things that I think you should know.

I don't like being told what to do.  Sure, I can follow directions and I will do 'what is right or expected' but I do not at all like when someone thinks that I have done something because they told me to do it.  I am defiant that way.  Because of this, I have a hard time with bossy people.  In a way when someone tells me what to do I feel like they must think that I couldn't have thought of that on my own or that they think that I wouldn't have known what to do.  Another thing related to this, I will ask for help if I need it.  If I don't ask for help, it is because 'most of the time' I don't need it.  Not sure but deep down I must feel like I am being challenged or treated as though my intellegence is being questioned or something and that might be why it bothers me so much.  I also can not stand being lectured.  As my Insights profile discovered, I am an 'out of the box' creative thinker and I do realize that sometimes I come up with ideas that have consequences or outcomes that scare people.  Sometimes I hold back some of my ideas because I don't want to hear the 'lecture' about why my idea isn't a good one.  I can handle being told no....just tell me no.  I am adult and I don't need a lecture.  I like to be treated like an educated adult, not a child.

I am a very generous person and I get real happy when I can do nice things for other people.  Whether it be helping someone who needs it or just plain putting a smile on someone's face by surprising them with something, I LOVE to make other people happy.  I wish I had the means to be able to provide for everyone around me.  I dream of the day that I would be able to be eating a resturant and have the money to tell my waitress that I wish to pick up the bill for everyone in the place. 
I have seen the 'pay it forward' in action and it is such a neat thing that people do. (this is where, for example, you would pay for the car behind you in the drive through or leave $10 to pay for the next customers at the coffee shop, etc)  This kind of thing is right up my alley although, I have never done this myself yet.  I am not sure why.  I need to do this and this year, I will.

I am a very emotional person.  Since I have had children, I seem to cry at everything.  Most of the time it is because I love my children so much that I have no other way to express it but to cry.  It must let some of the pressure out or something :-)    
I love laughing.  There is nothing better than laughing so hard you feel like you could wet your pants. Laughing so hard that you actually start crying. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time....I miss that feeling. 

I hate hypocrites.  I think that sentence pretty much sums it up. 

I love music.  Music is important to me.  It directly affects my mood everyday.  There are songs I play to motivate me, inspire me, make me cry, make me smile, give me warm feelings inside, etc.  I like music of all kinds.  My CD collection contains over 1,000 CDs ranging from Disney soundtracks to Ozzy Osbourne.  I love listening to a song and actually feeling the artists voice. I also love going to concerts.  Last I counted I have gone to over 100 concerts.  Some of my favorites would include Justin Timberlake, Maroon 5, Randy Travis, and Metallica. 

I have CRAZY pet peeves.  For instance, I can't stand listening to people eat.  Crunching, chewing, lip smacking, rustling of bags and wrappers, food clanking around in someone's mouth....  Now, the funny thing here...if I am eating with you, no issues.  Crunch and lip smack all you want, it doesn't bother me.  It only bothers me when I am not eating.  Especially when I am trying to concentrate on something.

I talk to much.  Because of this, I am not a fan of silence.  It makes me uncomfortable when I am in a group and nobody is talking.  I usually always speak up when in meetings or situations in where the 'instructor or leader' has asked for feedback.  I typicallly give it 4-5seconds and if someone hasn't started talking you can bet that I will have something to say.

I am a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a friend, a wife, a coworker, and a mother....well mommy, really. 

Communication

Strategies for communicating with Amy

Use a casual, informal style of conversation

Encourage her creative intuition

Provide incentives and encouragement

Don't always expect brief, specific answers :-)

Be prepared to share problems openly 

Provide information that stimulates conversation

Barriers to effective communication with Amy, DO NOT:

Reduce the pace of a free-flowing conversation

Spend too much time discussing 'what ifs'

Take credit for her ideas

Impose a 'can't be done' or defeatist attitude on her

Be negative or non-communicative

Expect to 'rail road' her without a fight

Criticise, condemn or suppress her enthusiasm

Unnecessarily challenge ideas or actions

My Weaknesses

Loses interest when the initial challenge has gone

Over optimistic about the abilities of others

Optimism is occasionally misplaced

May procrastinate on the longer term task

Will experience difficulty in concentrating on one thing for long periods

Inclined to mettle or give unwanted advice

Takes too many unjustified risks

Amy is often very forward and intense and may not re-adjust this intensity to meet the more moderate needs of some situations.  As a forthright, results orientated individual, she will challenge authority, take risks, overstep boundaries and act without reference. 

My Strengths

• Imaginative problem solver
• Adaptable and adventurous
• Ability to communicate her vision to others
• Resilient and resourceful
• Identifies the possibilities in every situation
• Zest for the people and things around her
• Creative thinker and dynamic innovator
• Creative decision maker
• Strong sense of humor and fun
• A visionary generating infectious enthusiasm

Insights about me

This past June my team at work went through a Discovery Insights Profile exercise.  It consists of a test that we took online.  A few weeks later our results were revealed.  I will spend this week talking about what I learned about myself....

My Personal Style

Gifted with clarity of thought adn articulation, Amy is an excellent communicator and presenter.  Life is an exciting drama waiting to unfold for her.  She tends to have an interest in the new and unusual and is gifted at expressing her feelings.

When she becomes charged with a mission to fufil, once that possibility is recognized, she needs to consider the details and possible options before proceeding.  Amy in interested both in possibilities beyond what is already obvious and in the ways that these possibilities might affect others.  Amy likes to keep a wide assortment of relationships alive and kicking.  Amy is curious for new ideas and insights.  She is an imaginative and creative visionary who is a source of inspiration to most.

Amy is energenic, enthusiastic, responsible, conscientious and persuasive.  She usually has a theory that will explain everything.  She can become the ideal representative of whatever group of people she values. 

Amy enjoys working with complex problems and is unceasing in her pursuit of mastering aything she finds intriguing.  Amy sees possibilities in most situations and can direct others towards making a vision become a reality.  With contagious enthusiasm and a world full of possibilities, she sees so many ideas she may have a great difficulty concentrating on one.  She is extrememly perceptive about the attitudes of others, aiming to understand rather than judge events.  She tends to see the environment as welcoming, challenging, and exhilarating, and if it is not, she tries to create that atmosphere.

Interacting with Others

A creative thinker, Amy is generally warm, enthusiastic and confident of her own abilities.  She makes stimulating company with her witty and interesting conversational style.  She prefers what might be, rather than the reality of what is already.  Errors made by others may upset her and cause her react loudly adn vociferously.  An 'Ideas' person who likes to engage in several tasks at a time, she hates uninspired routine and finds slow moving projects and people extremely difficult to relate to.

She is enthusiastic in helping people make the best of themselves and she is proficient in making lots of contacts.  She is a 'networking' expert.

Decision Making

Amy is inquisitive, versatile, adaptable and resourceful in solving challenging, theoretical problems.  She prefers to make decision based on 'gut feel' rather than on exhaustive and repetitive analysis. 

She is driven to think up many alternatives for a project or system due to her ability to constantly see the big picture.  She is a good, practical judge of character, and tends to use intuition where both people and decisions are concerned. 

Amy's many accomplishments are achieved mainly through determination and perserverance in reaching or exceeding her high standards.  She is good at seeing new ways of doing things.  Amy's natural curiosity for new ideas will bring new and fresh ways of thinking to the group.  Optimistic, spontaneous, creative, and confident, she has an original mind and a strong sense of the possible.  She has excellent long-range vision.

I like to read this part of my profile frequently to remind me what I am capable of.

why?

I decided that this year I am going to take one day per month off to scrapbook.
I started my day today reminding myself of the reasons why I scrapbook.

Someday my children will look back and see what I wanted to remember of them.

What part of their lives stuck out in my mind.

What memories I wanted to cherish forever.

What moments will be forever stamped on my heart.

Their expressions and bits of their personality I don't want to forget.

I love shopping.  I love to browse through the aisles and could spend hours looking at all of the products.

I love the smell of new things.  I love opening the packages and sorting them into my collection.

I love the experience of matching colors and textures to create a page that has feeling.

I love to take pictures and this gives me an excuse.

I want to chronicle our lives together.

I want to look back and remember the moments, not events.

I love to be creative and inspired. 

I love to have a vision and watch it come alive.

I love being able to document my thoughts and feelings for others to see. 

It is not important to keep up, the pictures have already been taken and

the moments have already been created.

My scrapbooks are not to replace photo albums but to create a glimpse of the past and allow my children a look into their world through my eyes.

While I am away at work

While I am away at work my girls are at daycare. 
It used to be really hard on me when I would have to drop them off and then go to work, leaving them for someone else to care for them throughout the day.  I can't count the number of days I spent crying in the car, the whole drive to work.  Things are getting better.  It has helped me knowing that Hailey and Hannah can be together during the day and at least they have each other when they are away from us.  Brian and I started looking for daycare when I was pregnant with Hannah and finally didn't choose the one until after Hannah was born.  We got a list of all possible, licensed, home daycares in the county and started from the top of the list and made calls.  "Hi, I am calling about daycare and wondering if you have any openings?"  "No, ok, thanks for your time."  "Oh you do, great!  Can we set up a time to meet with you?".  We meet with 3 woman and picked Jackie.
It was important to me to find a house where you would be loved and cared for but not spoiled with attention or snuggled so much that you would forget who your real mommy was.  I was so scared that you would grow up thinking that daycare was your home and wishing that you could be there instead of home with us.  Every mother that sends their child to daycare feels this way...they have to, don't they?!
I found the perfect balance at Jackie's house.  She is loving, caring, considerate, patient, professional...everything that I was looking for.

Jackie is an amazing woman and has done a great job with both of you!  I could not be happier with our choice.  You have friends that you love spending time with and each one of those kids come from loving homes as well.  Jackie is lucky to get to spend all day with you and I am lucky that we have Jackie.

Lazy day

Last March HealthEast had an art show exhibit of their employees work.  All of the submitted work was going to be judged by a professional panel of artists and prizes would be awarded.  A friend at work talked me into submitting two photos.    I knew that I wouldn't win  but had nothing to lose by entering the photos so I did.

This picture of Nash is one that I entered.  I was testing out the new lens for my camera and was actually across the room while taking this picture.  I love how soft his ears look and how 'at peace' his eyes are. 

He looks so comfortable that I almost want to snuggle with him.

Baby it's cold outside

Before Brian and I had kids we had Nash.  He was like a child to us.  I came home one day and found this picture as the screen saver on our computer.  Brian surprised me and had taken this picture of Nash while I was out.  I love this picture of Nash and I can still remember how much he loved the snow when he was younger.  The older he gets the less he enjoys being out in the snow.  When he was younger he would frolick (yes, I said frolick) around and pounce on piles of snow.  It was so fun to watch him.  Now he will go out into the snow but as soon as he has completed his business he runs right up the deck and waits to be let back into the house.

Need a check up?

Hannah got a doctor kit for Christmas.  She loves it! 

Her new favorite thing to do is to play doctor and give check ups.  She carries her kit around with her giving check ups to mommy, daddy, Hailey, her babies, and even Nash gets the news daily that he 'looks fine'.   One of the 'tools' in her kit is a thermometer.  When the temp is high it displays a frown face and when the temp is just right it displays a smiley face.  Last time I had my temperature taken the frown face showed up, I ask my 'doctor' how I checked out and she answers 'You are crabby' and points to the frown face on the thermometer.

A few days ago Hannah wanted to play check up so of course I agreed.  It had been at least 24 hours since my last one :-)      

Hannah:  "Come sit on the floor mom "

Me:  "OK"  (and move to the floor)

Hannah:  (turns the corner and approaches me and shakes my hand)  "Hi, I'm the doctor"

Me:  "Hi doctor, what is your name?"

Hannah:  "Dr Crawl" (translation: Dr Prall, her real doctor's name)

Me:  "Oh Dr Prall, huh?"

Hannah:  "Yes, see my mustache?!"

You make it real for me

There's so much craziness, surrounding me

There's so much going on, it gets hard to breathe

When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me

You make it real for me

When I'm not sure of, my priorities

When I've lost site of, where I'm meant to be

Like holy water, washing over me

You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby

You are the only one who saved me

That's why I've been missing you lately

Cause you make it real for me

Lyrics from You Make it Real for Me    by James Morrison



I called the doctor around 9 weeks to talk to her about whether or not I should do the Lovenox injections with this pregnancy.  She decided that it would be best if I came in and had an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and at that time we could discuss whether or not the injections were necessary.

After the ultrasound, I waited in the waiting room for about 45 minutes until the doctor was finally ready to meet with me.  When the doctor walked in she asked me how long I had been bleeding.  I informed her that I wasn't bleeding, I just wanted to know whether or not to do the injections again.  She then informed me that she saw something on the ultrasound that needed further testing.  She thought she saw a birth defect. 

According to the doctors there were two possibilities.  Either an omphalocele or a gastrochisis.  The doctor told me at that time to prepare for the worst and to start thinking about my options.  She told me that she thought that I had a less than 10% chance of delivering a healthy baby.  We were devastated.

Brian and I talked and decided that we were going to have every test possible to assure that we had a diagnosis.  We needed to know everything before we even considered 'worst case scenario'.  We had lots of appts, lots of ultrasounds, meet with lots of doctors at a lot of clinics and after about 4 months we finally had confirmation that Hailey was going to be born and she was going to be healthy. 

Words can not describe how I felt during that time and words can not describe how we felt once we had the good news. 

I played this song almost every day on my drive to work and on my drive home during those 4 months and each and every time I thought about the baby that I hadn't met yet.  I thought about how much she had changed me as a person before I had even held her.

one thousand seventy three

That is the number of pictures I have taken of Hailey so far.  I love taking pictures and many times when I get the camera out I don't take just one.  With digital, it is way too easy to take lots of pictures.  People always say that you will take fewer pictures of your kids after the first one is born...happy to say that that does not appear to be the case in my situation.  I wonder if 10 years from now that statement will even be true anymore. 
I was a second child and I can tell you from experience that there are 3 x's as many pictures of my sister than there are of me.  We joke around and laugh about it and honestly, it doesn't really bother me (too much) that you can look through photo albums from when I was little and there are very few from when I was a baby/newborn and then once pictures were taken, Kari was in 90% of the pictures with me.  I even feel like if you were to look through photo albums there were huge chunks of time that passed by when it seemed like there was not even one picture taken.  Don't get me wrong, I get it.  I see how that can happen with how busy a second child makes you.  I just want to be sure that as Hailey grows up she knows how she looked everyday of her life!  Just kidding....but seriously, I do want her to know that I saw her.  I didn't just see her as the little sister.  I hope as the girls get older I continue to have these feelings and as sweet as it is to get pictures of them together, it is also important to be sure that I capture pictures of them alone too.  Say cheese!

Kissing cousins

You two are so cute!  The picture on the left was taken this summer at Adam's birthday party.  We were getting ready to leave and you went to go and tell Adam good-bye.  Little did we know, when we told you to give him a kiss goodbye that you would grab him and lay one on him :-)  Thank goodness Jennifer had her camera ready!

The picture on the right was taken at Thanksgiving. 

You and Adam dumped out the toys and climbed into grandma and grandpa's ottoman. 

Both of you will probably be upset with us when you get older but we don't care.  Moments like these are too good to pass up!  Isn't that what cameras are for anyways.....

'Dankie'

Here is a picture of Hannah laying on her blanket when it was just a blanket.  See how soft it looks and how bright and clean the colors are?  I saw this blanket at Babies R Us when I was registering for baby items when I was pregnant with Hannah.  It was so soft that when you touched it it almost made you feel like it was melting in your fingers.  This blanket was MY favorite blanket so I often brought it with us wherever we went.

Here is Hannah with her blanket at her 1st birthday party. My ultimate plan worked, by this time Hannah was quite fond of her blankie and always liked to have him close by.  I had realized that I should probably invest in another blanket, the same one, this way if I ever needed to wash this one or if something ever happened to it, I could trick her and just pull the other one out.  She was one, I could certainly out smart her.  You probably guessed it, Hannah caught on and didn't fall for it.  So, there goes that idea...

Here is Hannah, two years old, and her lifelong friend, 'Dankie'.    You can't tell from the picture but in person if you were to take one look at this blanket you can see how much it has been loved during it's short life.  It is no longer soft and melty.  It is no longer bright colors and clean.  At anytime during the day you can find Hannah with her blanket.  Her favorite thing to do is to grab a hold of a chunk, hold up to her nose, take a whiff, and then either rub it gently in her ear (don't ask) or under her nose.  I have even caught her in the summertime rubbing her blanket between her toes....now that is love!  At night when I tuck her in 'Dankie' gets tucked in too.  She likes the 'bumpy side' facing out and will let you know if you have 'Dankie' upside down.  She is not a fan of 'Dankie' getting a bath.  Whenever he needs to be washed I either have to work from home or we have to coordinate around when Hannah isn't here because it will be the longest 90 minutes of your life waiting for the wash and dry cycle.  She is ok with it as long as she doesn't have to be around to witness it.

OK, time to confess....when I am home alone and Hannah isn't here, I like to snuggle up with 'Dankie' or get a good sniff in.  Makes me feel like she is here with me :-)

Something stinky

This summer we took a trip to the Minnesota Zoo.  We were walking along one of the trails and we coming up to some wild horses.  I hear my mom giggling and look down to see this....Hannah using her shirt to cover her nose.  This picture is proof that this is my daughter.  This is exactly what I do when I smell something nasty, usually we are at home and Nash has either burped or dropped a bomb. 

This picture makes me stop for a moment and really think about what my children must be learning from me.  I hope I am setting a good example.

Scoobies

Daddy has been calling you Scoobies.  (pronounced like Scooby-Doo)

 The other night you were crying and Hannah came running to your rescue.  When she arrived at your side she started patting you on the head saying 'You're ok Scoobies, you're ok'.  It was so cute hearing her pick up on the nickname that daddy has given you and watching her use it so comfortably.

Not so little anymore...

I have developed a horrible habit over the last 26 years of referring to my younger sisters as my 'little sisters'.  They are also commonly referred to as 'the girls'.  Sure, this worked when they were actually little.  I am sure that they didn't mind being called 'the girls' as they were younger but I can only imagine how it must feel now, being a grown adult and still be treated as if you are only a part of a 'group'.
I am so fortunate to have 4 sisters.  Being the second oldest I get to experience being both a little sister and a big sister.  The ages of me and my sisters are spread out enough that I actually do feel like I have a big sister and little sisters.  But, now that we are all 'grown up' isn't it time that we refer to them as older sister and younger sisters?
'The girls' are only 18 months apart.  I can't count the number of times people thought that they were triplets.  I could see how people could have made that mistake considering there is a set of twins in the bunch but triplets?!  I often wonder if Kim and Kristin really get how unique and special it is that they are identical twins.  What I know is that they have a bond like no other people have, it is amazing and you can't help but be jealous of their relationship.  What is cool and unique for us is just normal for them.  Yeah, they grew up getting tons of attention because they are twins and to all of us it is probably desirable to get all of that attention, to have people notice you whereever you go.  I am sure in some cases they think it is pretty neat too but they must feel after all this time like they are a 'pair' and not individuals.  Jennie grew up as their big sister but since she was so close in age, and many times dressed the same as them, she sort of took on the role of being the third twin.  I can't imagine what that would have been like.
What I do know is that I am extrememly jealous of them.  All three of them.  The relationship that they all have, the closeness that they share, it is really an amazing thing to see.  Sure, I am close with them and we have great relationships but I am still the 'big sister' and by the time they were really growing up, I was out of the house, moving on with my life. 
When I hear about people who have siblings that they don't talk to or siblings that they don't care for, it makes me really sad.  First of all, I always think it is weird that people feel like they have a choice whether or not to like their sibling....what?!  I guess our parents did at least one thing right because no matter how mad I ever get at any of them (which I can't even remember the last time I was even sort of mad) I could NEVER turn my back on them.  I could never choose silence between us.  Never.
This is even more true now that I have children.  Before I had Hannah I would always joke around with my family that once I had a baby I was never letting it go.  They would all have to wrestle me to the ground to hold him/her.  Of course I was mostly kidding :-)    Once my girls were born and I saw the reaction my sisters had coming to the hospital, holding their neice, I knew then and there how important it is to me that they are able to share my girls with me. 
My sisters have grown up to be amazing young women and even though they have grown up as 'the girls' they are actually three amazing individuals.  Jennie, Kim, and Kristin have a lot of the same interests but they are also very different.  Currently one of the only things that they all have in common is that at any given time, people who don't know them well (and sometimes even family who SHOULD know them well) call them the wrong name.  I have no idea what it would be like to walk into a room full of people and have someone rush up to you to 'guess' which one you are.  They handle it well but I would think that it must get old.

Jennie claims to 'hate people'.  She states that she doesn't like crowds and she oftens tells tales as if people are out to get her.  She could probably convince a bunch of people that this is really how she feels.  Me?  I don't buy it.  Let me tell you why...every relationship that Jennie has is meaningful.  She has tons of friends and really does make friends easily.  Her smile radiates off of her face (even though she would claim that she doesn't have one).  I have been able to experience first hand her close realtionship with my daughters and believe me-someone who can feel that way about her neices and nephews can't be all that crabby :-)   Her laugh is infectious.  Just ask her about the latest Ben Stiller movie she has seen and it will take her at least 3 minutes of giggling before she can actually come up with a full sentence that makes sense.  You can't help but laugh along with her because you know that based on her reaction it is going to be a good story....brace yourself.  I think one reason why people 'get to her' so much is because she can't stand all of the negativity in the world.  I think she has such a big heart that it really bothers her when she hears about all of the horror in the world.  I think she could use her sense of humor and playfulness to write books poking fun at the world and really opening the eyes of people to see how ridiculous we all act at times.  I can't wait until the day comes when Jennie finds the job of her dreams.  I hope it is in fashion or journalism.

Kim has recently enrolled in graduate school.  She is working in a group home and helps clients with their day to day activities.  Kim is the older twin, by a whole 4 minutes.  Growing up Kim was always the 'clown' in the family.  She would put on shows for us to make us laugh or act out movie scenes.  When she was little she wanted to marry Jim Carey because he was 'so flexible'.  It is amazing to me that this girl who grew up as the center of attention was so shy at one point that she wouldn't even order her meal at McDonald's.  Kim came and worked at the clinic I worked at for a few summers.  I still remember when that clinic opened the door to their new location my sister signed up to be a tour guide for patients and employees as they toured the clinic.  I LOVED working with Kim.  I felt so proud that she was so well liked and everyone had nothing but wonderful things to say about her.  She still has a great sense of humor.  She loves to tell stories and is great at it!  She can slip into character in a second and for a second you forget that she is the one telling the story.   Family is important to her and in our family she has a reputation of being a 'protector'.  She is the type of person you want in your corner and I am glad that she is in mine.

Kristin is known as the 'Bonus Baby'.  When our mom was pregnant she didn't know that she was having twins.  What a surprise to be in the hospital, already in labor, and then be told that there were two babies coming out!  She is a toddler room teacher at a daycare center.  It is a perfect fit for her.  She loves kids and is really good with them.  She is the type of person who can show them love and affection and at the same time lay down the law :-)  She is going to be such a good mom.  Kristin is probably the most laid back, easy going, and most forgiving one of us all.  She doesn't get mad easily and you can bet that if she is mad, she will get over it quickly.  Kristin is kind hearted and helpful, very compassionate.  Talk to her about an issue you are having and she will have ideas for you about how to help your situation.  I can always count on her to tie up an apron and jump right in to wash dishes, calling for Jennie and Kim the whole time we are working away.  She has always been like that. 
I don't want to sound like their mom but I am so proud of my sisters.  They truly are amazing young woman and even though they grew up being shuffled around in a 3 ft radius of each other, they have each found their own way through life.  Just like I tell Hannah and Hailey....we are lucky to have each other forever.  Thanks mom and dad!
(P.S. there is a posting about my older sister Kari earlier and there will be many more to come.  Today, this was about my younger sisters)

Wish I was here...

I have been feeling a little overwhelmed this weekend. Life is catching up to me and with the recent holidays I just feel like I have been on the move constantly.  When I was looking through my pictures today to choose one to blog about I came across this one taken this summer at the lake and immediately a sense of calm came over me and for a moment I could smell the lake water  and here the 'quiet' of being up north. 

And just for a moment I was able to escape.

Now back to the 'real world'...

Something to celebrate

As of today, Hannah has stayed dry for one week!

Last Saturday she was dry all day and each time we would ask her if she had to go potty she would say "yes' and walk into the bathroom and go.  So we went on Sunday and bought Pull-Ups, hoping she wouldn't want to get Dora wet.

All week at daycare she wore Pull-Ups and continued to stay dry through the week.  Today we attempted our first day in 'big girl underwears' and it was a success!  As a reward, we went to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate her accomplishment.  She had a blast eating pizza and telling Chuck E Cheese, in person, that she stays dry.  (She even used the bathroom at Chuck E Cheese)

One thing that makes me a little nervous....it seemed too easy.

You'll have each other forever

Girls, you will have each other forever. 

Just the other day you were both sitting on my lap and you two were fascinated by looking at each other and you both just sat there for about 2-3 minutes smiling whie staring into each other's eyes.  I knew that it was one of the many times in my life that I will be so happy that you have each other forever.  I sometimes feel as though it is my little gift to each of you to bless you with the opportunity to have a sibling to grow old with.  Someone that no matter what will always be there. 

Hannah, how do I know that you are going to be a great big sister?

• When Hailey cries, you find a way to cheer her up.  Whether it be finding her nuk, rubbing her head ever so softly, or singing the ABC's to her, you can always get her to stop fussing
• You are very protective of your sister.  Wondering what mommy and daddy are doing to her to make her upset. "What are you doing to my sister?"  "Don't make my sister cry"
• You will share anything with her. Many times I find Hailey swinging away in her swing with 'Tiny' sitting next to her.  "Look mommy, I share with her".  You are even willing to share your blankie (dankie) with her.  Laying it on the floor for her to lay on, covering her up because she is 'freezing', or making sure she is holding onto a corner of it while we are all cuddled up on the couch.
• You always need to know where she is. When you wake up one of the first questions you ask me is 'where is my sister?".  When we are leaving the house or make plans to go out you always ask 'Hailey come with us?"
• You like to be involved whether it is holding her, feeding her, getting her diaper, giving her her nuk, taking her nuk out when you think 'she doesn't need it', bringing her toys, helping mommy give her a bath, the list goes on and on

Hailey, how do I know you are going to be a good little sister?

• You let her

What is it about...

eskimo kissing your children that is so wonderful?  Is it the smell of them?  Is it simply the sense of your skin touching theirs?  Is it a sense of closeness?  Does it bring you so close to their face you can see into their eyes better?  Is it the way that their little face lights up from the attention?  Could it be that when your foreheads touch you can almost sense the lightness of their brain and the innocence of thier mind or is it all of the above?

I think it is a mixture of all of the above. 

There is nothing in the world like coming nose to nose with a child.   With a newborn there is a smell to their breath that alone would not be favorable but partner that smell with the recent birth of your child, the softness of their face, the view of their little 'bird mouth' as you lower down to them, the way they flap their arms and legs displaying signs of pure joy as you draw near and you have one of the most memorable smells ever. 

A smell that they only have for a few months but a smell that will never be forgotten.

When they grow older there is a sense of silliness and play when you rub noses with a child.  It will almost certainly result in a giggle and a squirm.  The smell is no longer as prominent but the sound will ring in your ears for days to come.  At this age you need to be much more careful so that the once wonderful action of an eskimo kiss doesn't turn into a bloody nose or head butt :-)

Do they love this sense of closeness as much as I do?  I hope they can feel my love for them radiating off of my skin into their hearts.  I hope they remember these moments and think of them while they sleep.

Obsession

A little over a year ago Brian bought a charcoal smoker.  It started as an innocent hobby and after the first few racks of ribs were cooked on that smoker it slowly turned into an obsession.
When we first got the smoker I figured that Brian would 'smoke up' some ribs every now and then.  Little did I know the possibilities are endless!  You can smoke turkey, chicken, steaks, ham, bacon wrapped jalapenos, strips of bacon covered in brown sugar, ribs, roasts...if it is sold in a grocery store, you can throw it on a smoker and eat it.


Now, when you are smoking meat, you don't have to only think about the type of meat you plan to eat but you also have to focus on selecting your wood (used to add different smoke flavors to the meat). 

Little did I know there are websites, blogs, whole communities of people that share this hobby.  People that tell you where to get the best wood or which brands of meat taste best.  Recipes, step by step picture guides, videos posted on You Tube....seriously?! 

When I really think about it, it makes sense.  I love scrapbooking.  Just like Brian could sit for hours and read about people's experiences with their smoker, I could sit for hours and look at pages that people have made.  Read about the deals they have found, things that have inspired them...   So I guess my rub ons are Brian's bacon.

By the way, I should mention.  He is REALLY good at it.

Home Sweet Home

This is the time that I arrived home tonight.  I went to dinner with my dad and my sisters after work to celebrate my dad's birthday.  I went to the resturaunt straight from work today without stopping home.  This is one of the disadvantages to living 25+ miles away from where the rest of the family lives.  I would be in the area and it didn't make sense to go all the way home to come all the way back. 

It hit me tonight that I was coming home so late that I wasn't going to see my girls because they would already be sleeping by the time I got home.  As I thought about this during my drive home, I started crying. I missed tucking them in.  I missed sitting on the couch rocking Hailey to a state of relaxation before she would get set in her crib.  I missed carrying Hannah up to bed and letting her pick out the Nuk that she was going to use to put her to sleep tonight (NO comments about the Nuk..I know, I know).  I missed hearing about Hannah's day.  I missed dinnertime with them.  I missed the evening of January 4th, 2010.  There is only one January 4th, 2010 and I missed it.

I haven't decided yet if it makes me a good mom because I want to spend every waking moment that I can with my children or if it makes me pathetic because 18 years from now (I know, it will be sooner than this) I am going to wake up and see that my daughters have grown up and they don't want to spend every moment with me anymore.

I have to admit it scares me a little.  It scares me to think that I would miss out on anything that happens in their life but at the same time, it scares me to think that I would never leave the house again so that I don't have to miss anything, not even one dinner or tucking in.   I feel nervous about making plans that take me away from my family.  I get anxious and sick to my stomach some days when I think about going out with some friends or being gone away from the house.  I must mention that this has NOTHING to do with my husband watching the kids.  He is amazing with them and they need alone time with daddy too and of course I miss him when I am gone but he understands (and he waits up for me :-)

I know that it is healthy for me to have some 'me time' and that in the end it makes me a better mother but what if I don't want 'me time'?  What if I want to be with my family and my kids all the time, every moment?  What will happen to me?  Will I lose myself?  Years from now am I going to look back and wonder who I am and what I like to do?    I guess only time will tell...

That face...

Hannah,

Your face can light up a whole room. You have such a sparkling personality and it is captured perfectly in this picture. I was trying to take a picture to include in our Christmas card this year. I set you and your sister up on the couch and tried to get a picture of the two of you smiling. Instead, I get this. A perfect snapshot in time of how I picture you when we are away from each other. Just tonight you were sitting at the computer watching Diego, you found the camera, turned it on, figured out how to watch a video of yourself that was on the camera. You turned, looked at me, gave me that exact look and said 'look mom'. These are the moments that will be etched in my mind forever...

So long.....

It has been so long since I updated this last. I believe the year was 2007. Since then life has changed a lot for me and my sister has brought new meaning to the idea of 'online journaling'. She started posting a POD, picture of the day, and it is KILLING me that I have not done this. She has inspired me to try to do this but at the same time I have to promise myself that I will NOT stress out over this. My goal is to journal more. Attempt a POW, picture of the week, but realistically shoot for a POM, picture of the month :-)
Here goes nothin'...